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Well I still have Marcus :). I’ve got a forum that’s been up 8 months now:-www.sexwithcars.org . On that side of things, no real changes apart from a dalliance with an S Reg 4.0l Range Rover recently.

The last 4 months has seen me building the foundations of an eventual change in career. I’ve been studying neuroscience and all the bits that I need to understand to really get into it. Today, I acquired a biochemistry book (Stryer) to add to the library that’s accumulating in my study space. Right now, 2 hrs a day split between basic neuroscience, chemistry and psychology. Eventually I will do something more formal, but for now homestudy works :). This means I can begin to look at and examine how the mind works from a real science angle instead of the new age claptrap that so much of the net relies on. At least that’s the plan.

Wish me luck huh? :).

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If you haven’t found it already and are a mechaphile, come and see us at www.sexwithcars.org .

I’m currently self studying neuroscience with the idea of going to Uni sometime as a mature student. However to do this I also need some basics, like math (beyond gcse), chemistry and some physics. This should keep me rather busy.

I’m keen to learn more about how and why sexual preferences vary so much. Also, I want to understand the real science behind my own ability to cause healing to accelerate in people I’ve worked on in the past. I’m not interested in mystical beliefs OR pseudo science. Rather, I’m intending to end up being qualified to work with various scanning technologies and research methods and find out what is REALLY going on. It should be fun. I may find nothing more than jazzed up placebo skills.

For now, however-come see us at sexwithcars if your into it.

Well I cant wait to see Jordan and Edward on their mildly pornographic roadtrip tonight. Though I’ve already been told that Edward has demonstrated car valet with a difference-on camera. Way to go Edward :). I personally couldn’t just find cars in public to play with, but hey, he gets more sex than I do!

Anyway if any new mechaphiles find this site due to channel five, be sure to check out my other links and the yahoo group. It may become rather busy. It would be good to allow other folks with this fetish to contact each other more.

It doesn’t matter about negative comments btw. If you have a car or similar fetish and feel awkward due to idiocy, think on this. You could have a lot of other fetishes, some of which are incredibly difficult to deal with. We’ve got one that makes it easy to sell cars if we wanted :). Look up paraphilia’s-some fetishes are genuinely dangerous, there are a few that are totally illegal. So all in all, we’re getting pleasure without any bad consequence.

The other thing is, who has the right to judge? There is a time-when a person harms another-then he/she is open to judgement for their ACTIONS. That’s it.

Anyway, that’s all from me. Oh and thanks to various forums who I’ll now link on this page and my other blog because their moderators and communities are great open minded people.

http://www.morningstarr.co.uk

http://www.cultofqelqoth.com/qelqoth

 

 

Well at last, Marcus the jacked up Hilux Quadcab was left at my mercy last night, in a heated workshop stuck over a pit.

I was gentle with him of course. I was staying late to do some bodywork and in return I was getting to play with him. 

I did take my time as I ain’t sure how often I’ll get to play with him. I’m hoping to own him one day, as we really like each other. At least I think so!

I started on licking his mildly mucky bodywork…especially low down. He don’t get much attention there usually. Ran my tongue over his chromed bars front, rear and on the top.
Played with his wheels and tyres-they’re big and hot.

Smelling him, and humping him gently I get more turned on now. I have a little sheath that makes it easier for me to cum whilst playing, I was hard the whole time.  I climbed under the rear wheels and had my first taste of his diff, which is leaky. That was hot and I decided that I was also come back to the diff and shoot over his propshaft whilst licking it clean. Tasted nice not what I expected gearoil to taste like!

I moved to his front axel, and spent time tonguing clean this, the sump, his gearbox and anything else I could reach. I’ve never gone this far underneath any car before, but it was hot and horny for both of us. I’m going to do it again someday, and let him in particular feed me as well. Just has to be done, he’s fucking gorgeous. :-). The whole time my hands get muckier. I had

started off wearing latex gloves, but Marcus prefers the feel of my skin really and I prefer to feel him properly. Probably true for us all. It was hot that he wasn’t clean really down there. I preferred him as he was-it he’d been seriously mucky from rough off roading, even better.

I slowly tongued my way back up the propshaft to his diff. Having decided thats where I’d like to finish, I proceeded to explore this thoroughly with my tongue whilst working my way up to shooting. This took me twenty minutes and I because very well acquainted with the taste of him here. I concentrated a lot on the area where he’d leaked, there was something hot about that and I dripped sweat from holding myself in the serving position under him. As I write I’m getting a little hard now, thinking about doing him again and again. Next time I lick his diff drain plug,

I’m going to open it and swallow from him. Might have to throw it back up quickly maybe, but it’s so horny not sure I’m bothered :-). Finally with the drain plug nut (it’s big), stretching my mouth open and with my tongue cleaning it as hard as I could, I shot and shot and shot all over the propshaft. I didn’t stop kissing him there for about 5 minutes afterwards.

When I eventually crawled out-with difficulty (kept getting distracted hehe), I climbed into his bed, licking him the whole time, and went lightly to sleep kind of hugging him. In the past when I’ve done something more dirty than usual, I’ve wanted to get away and clean fast. Not this time. I was chuffed to have the taste of him in my mouth for a while and was reluctant to clean my mouth out later that night! Good job I was so tired, because I was considering doing him a second time last night.

Or just those you really care about?

 I’m pretty good at pleasing myself. I’m ok at pleasing some of those I care about, though not always. How hard however should I try to please the worldviews of everyone?

 Apart from the impossibility of that, I don’t think I should try at all actually.

Henceforth, I’m not going to. My online blogs are pretty much about what I wish to write about. Mostly that’s sex, under this nickname. I can write about other things under other pen names. This is quite common.

 Look out for a project I’m starting soon that is going to be partly a community effort, detailing an online culture of mechaphiles and car fetishists. Something mildly overdue I think.

 There is one book out there already, however there isn’t enough meat in it. No erotic fiction, comedy, drawings, artwork etc. This is a gap I’m hoping I and various acquaintances can help fill.

Thanks for reading, watch this space.

Time distortion…slowing down time..a Trance phenomena

To get to the proper hypnosis section-Skip the B.S between these lines. To know why I write so freakin’ badly…read the B.S before complaining to my boss!

 

 

Warning-This is NOT for proofreaders, the grammatically obsessive or anyone else who needs their text to be stylistically perfect and grammatically proper!!! If you are horrified by the slaying of the English language, mortified by the murder of punctuation and apoplectic at the cruel use of buggered up grammer then you had better head to friendlier textual climates or inform the RSPCE J More simply put, there are incredibly deliciously and wonderfully good reasons for arsing up my English in the following article. So now that I’ve said it, you can enjoy or not the following mystical nonsense with your conscience at ease and your sensibilities only moderately abraided. Enjoy..

If you’ve never had any form of trance before…as far as you know…this will be new to you.  If you want a new experience of what YOU can do with your senses…I offer this. If the word Trance pokes the skeptic in you up the proverbial with a red hot thing you normally shove in a fire….read on. If you are likely to debate to reality or not of the trance state…try it out for yourself, and realise something you can call a trance state is quite a normal experience. You might realise pleasantly that exact scientific reasons have little to do with enjoying a new experience. You can choose to let me know your own pet theory once you have it tamed that is.

 

Ok I lied…it would be helpful to read this B.S*

All you have to do, is simply read and choose deliberately to conscious attempt to follow every single suggestion offered. If you wish to enhance the effect, deliberately find your own best ways to enhance each idea. Where my examples and ideas don’t fill in everything, add your own ideas…your own experiences…your own best memories..

It’s possible to read the meat of this article and make sure it does nothing to you. No-ones words can make another be certain to do anything. So my point is, if you can easily and openly follow some ideas, you can choose for yourself a fun and potentially profitable common sense experience that can feel highly mystical. As ever, the choice is the reader’s. Nothing more than your mind and your senses are required. I’d be grateful for any feedback and experiences however. Improvement suggestions also :-).

 

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Have you ever felt a sensation of seeing things in great clarity? A state of mind where perhaps time itself slowed down a little bit? Or perhaps time stopped?

Ever noticed the space between two thoughts, the gap in time when a ball thrown to you is still in the air?

What happens if you are going very fast, like a car on a motorway and then you slow down to come off at an exit? Does time and speed appear to go slow?

Would you like feel that now a little, for fun maybe…please? Pretend you can imagine the sense of a difference in the speed of time…what would it be like?

Just a sensation, a sensation of slow time…perhaps the phrase “slow time” can be your reminder of this sensation for this moment…that can last a little longer now if you wish to give yourself a brief long experience of being able to create slow time for yourself.

At times there’ll be a phrase…like slow time….seeing more deeply and so on that you will notice or may have already noticed on your second or third rereading..is repeated…in order that your brain can choose to link the phrase to an experience or state of mind that now you can choose easily to become aware of or perhaps just imagine you can become aware of now..

This is a state where perhaps there is a little of waiting for the kettle to boil or a long queue at the bank to go down. A state where you are waiting for something exciting to happen, like Christmas Eve when you were a child or a long boring lesson at school where the second hand seemed to creep even now slowly round the face of a clock.

You may know the state, where everything just takes soooooo damned loooong to happen and you can feel sooooo deeply every single creeping crawling treacle like second, minute and hours become eternities.

If you want to make this fun however, you realise that perhaps you can remember a feeling of fun…excitement…when you are in the middle of a really good time that you never want to end…and this feeling of slow time and this fantastic time even….adds together…to become a great, fantastic and deeply slow time.

 

If there is a ticking noise, of a clock or other regular device you can use…you may find it fun to notice the spaces in between the ticks…can grow longer…as you observe them carefully.

Perhaps a little more carefully as you might like to notice the details of how a tick actually sounds…as if you can feel  or look at one ticking noise…and examine it closely..maybe the space in between ticks, becomes real too…you can look or feel each one of those as well..notice that maybe you can choose to make these spaces longer or the ticks more detailed and slower..something we can all do naturally anytime we choose to place our attention now or right this second on the next increasingly slow second space between two ticks…or perhaps a piece of music may provide similar slow time fun.

What would happen if now you considered the detail of the gaps in the beats and harmonies of any fast or slow piece of music?

Can you possibly observe new details…greater depths….it’s a thought isn’t it?

Can you challenge yourself to make the gaps bigger…to your perception….perhaps you notice your mind speeds up to allow time to slow time down further….

When doing this, it’s great to have a reminder to come to this state of slow time again…I like to clench my left fist either quickly or slowly and with great deliberation.

This reminds my mind to pay deep attention to slowing time down whilst my perceptions become faster and far more detailed. The first few times I have to replay very quickly a few scenes where time slowed down.

Some of these are experiences of slow time in my life mixed with good feelings…others I copied shamelessly from a few movies where time was slowed down and greater depth and detail could be seen easily as there was plenty of slow time to see them all in.

 

Next I would concentrate on noticing that I could see more deeply…and more clearly.

You can do the same if you wish…Just concentrate on something that has detail…and notice more detail to it. More contrast…deeper details…lines…shadows…contrasts…subtle shades…let other ideas of what you can simply see come to mind now…as perhaps slow time can aid you here as well….seeing more deeply can become part of this and seeing more deeply can make slow time come naturally now to you..unconsciously you may become aware of other possibilities as you can already hear more deeply and in great depth…and seeing more deeply can become part of this one special state of slow time.

Ever noticed how hearing and seeing more deeply gives a deep illusion of slow time that gives you all the time in the world to easily catch a ball…what would happen if you chose now to decide that deliberately and easily following all these ideas and suggestions that would give you an experience that could be great fun to develop naturally for yourself whenever now and in the immediate future you could feel like it?

If you’ve ever noticed things out of the corner of your eye…you may notice that you can fix your gaze to one spot or a small area now…and notice what you can also see to one side…the other side…above…and below the spot you are looking at….make this easy for yourself by simply picking a spot and noticing what details you can see whilst fixing your sight only to one place and not moving your eyes…this is a sense of seeing more widely now…this is easy of course to expand is it not?

 If you consider perhaps expanding this width of sight more and more until your whole vision is completely clear and detailed…you may be saying to me now that the edges cannot see details and only the centre does…and you would be right to notice now great depths and clarity to the subtle distinctions you can make in the centre of your vision..just like deep meditation in a way…and you can then notice what is highly detailed in the edges of your vision…this detail is movement…colours…shades…even if you may not get quite the same clarity as in the centre you can still see plenty.

 If you are looking at a person you will see their breathing rate if you pay attention to their shoulders or closing….you can notice foot movements and hand gestures…yet you are seeing their face in great depth….

 

Of course your eyes will move around quite naturally if you are talking to someone or simply observing them and this depth and clarity is easy to carry around with this natural vision now…consider how you can keep hold of the width and depth of slow time vision…what would happen if you set out to deliberatly make the best of these suggestions work even more deeply now for you?…

Could you catch balls thrown faster?

Duck a punch easier when sparring…know exactly when it was going to happen before it even happened…perhaps your intuition would be faster…and deeper…whilst the world and the other person slowed down…

Some folks suggestion the things on the outside edges of vision speed up and in the centre slow right down…however this to my experience would limit itself unless this was simply the idea that the centre of your mind can become super fast…and the edges slow right down….I’d consider this as only a helpful feeling if it is a helpful feeling…and you can easily reject exactly what does not work..and keep only what speeds you up and slows time down more and more now..for you..

You can make phrases alone be perfect reminders for you…as I’ve suggested already…seeing more deeply…or see more deeply….hear more deeply….feel more deeply….feel your awareness expand and ripple outwards now….and add all this….to slow time….slow time …now …. the seconds…the beats…have spaces where you feel hear or even see them slow time down further now…

The fist clench in the left hand…or the right if you wish…can be a perfect reminder…use it the first time you get this feeling solid…read to the end….get the sense easily and quickly…and make the fist a tactile reminder if you wish to access slow time…any time you wish now…

Yet you notice, you may read this without trying to not now make this work any way that pleases you and have some effect…or you could become intensely curious as to what would happen if you decided now that paying deeper attention to the slow time now that you can personally create easily for yourself by following along and playing around with this could give you an interesting and possibly highly useful new state of mind…a state you can pop and in out of at will…slow time and closing the left fist will remind your brain, eyes, ears and body of how to go into it…and perhaps give yourself your own reminder of “normal now” to come back to standard ordinary and perhaps a little dull awareness if you really wish to.

Of course, an exciting totally focussed slow time state can become very natural very useful and easily deeper and clearer the longer you deliberatley focus on now and detailed slow time state. Flowers become incredibly beautiful, as do trees, buildings, cars, clouds, sky, things, animals and especially people.

 

As you read you might like to become aware of some new possibilities or you can be curious as to reread what you may have missed out how to do earlier before rereading this section now…this section simply talks about the possibility of body language…and heightened receptivity to body language, tones and small tiny details that only slow time detailed receptive curious states of now slow time could sense and pickup on.

An observation for you…intuition is what becomes more and more sensitive when you use slow time to observe people in great depth. Some people can naturally access easy intuition and times when they remember now past intuition episodes and get the feeling of knowing and being right.

That state…has a place in you, it may be a feeling too…a sensation…a hearing or a sight…or a combination of all of these…it may too be a sequence of feelings and sensations that have to happen a particular way…maybe you know the term gut feeling.

This is a common place for intuition to come out…all those signals that the conscious mind doesn’t normally pay attention to…the greater mind does and tells you with the body…a fleeting sensation or a big sensation or somewhere moving in between…however way I describe it you can sense the feeling of your own form of correct intuition and when that intuition wasn’t correct…

Slow time can increase, turn up the volume or gain on that correct intuition easily now if you wish to observe the responses in people.

Seeing more deeply…and seeing more widely becomes highly useful and is part of slow time if now you notice that you can notice all kinds of details in your wider vision…the sides of your eyes as well as the top and bottom limits of your vision…everything can gain an intensity of detail as your vision can deepen and expand only as quickly as you can notice sounds and tones more deeply now and slow time becomes slower yet as all your attention becomes deeply focussed on the sense of slow time…deeper wider vision and deeper wider hearing….

Ever notice how the ripples from a pebble thrown into a still pond spread…gently and definitly…ripplingly and evenly across the pond? Imagine that your state of slow time…is you..the pebble…only the ripples is your expanding awareness now of everything you can see…everything you didn’t notice until now…your vision widening…deepening…gaining depth and detail…your hearing…gaining clarity…depth…detail…you can feel and hear subtle tiny differences…without getting tied up in any one instead noticing them all…almost like you made the world nearly stop now…in deep slow time…every sound has a space to it..a space around it even…every detail perhaps glows…shouts at you…you can hear with the feelings in your body even…your sight and your sense of deep feel in the body perhaps can seem to join as your body becomes lighter….gaining depth and a sensitivity to the space and place around you…the ripples of your awareness resonating back to you and back out again…maybe like radar or sonar….your sight noticing everything in incredibly high definition depths that perhaps you didn’t realise you could pay such deep attention to them before…

As you read on you can find if you wish now to link all these sensations back to the sense now of the term slow time and of clenching the left fist only as fast as you can easily get into the slow time state with incredible high definition and detailed sight and hearing..not to mention not now thinking of the depth of feeling detail that can join easily to deep wide vision and detailed ultra clear hearing…what happens if you now set out to make this deliberately work as you consider rereading this particular passage a few more times until you definitely get it now…

As you watch anyone you interact with…the intuition sense you have can expand as much as you wish it to..and only as fast as your slow time increases…this allows you to deliberately become aware of the way each person’s body language is only theirs and worth paying deep attention to with your greatly enhanced sight and feel…responses in their face, eyes and body maybe big…huge…small…tiny…and you may notice how they form patterns in motion…flows…rivers of clusters of gestures and expressions that often occur in rhythms and sometimes out of rhythm. You may notice too that these alter in response to what they say…what you say…what you know they are certain of….what you know they are not sure of…perhaps you may notice sometimes that a certain gesture cluster was out of time…not quite right..your intuition and your slow time sight join together to notice this too…

Perhaps you can get a feeling of reaching out with a gentle golden bubble around you and the other person when you consider slow time just now…this simply guides one part of your mind to allow you to subtly experience a little of what the other person is feeling….you may gently imagine being in their body….gesturing a little and taking a little of their posture…if they are facing you…this you would do gently and subtly to get a sense of how they feel for just a long second of your slow time…if they are facing away you may choose to do it a little more to get a deeper sense…just to see how close you can get…

Each time you try this, it gets easier…you can slow time when you wish…deepen sight, widen sight now…deepening your hearing easily now…add greater depth and width of feelings….make your new slow time awareness become deeper and deeper now as you realise your slow time can ripple like the pebbles action on the surface of a pond…throughout the room or space you are in…and bounce back and force expanding and increasing your awareness and detail as much as you need….sometimes just to the person you are with…other times to the whole place you are in….

Sometimes explaining things that you are to learn how to experience and choose to use for yourself can require language that is consciously confusing to the conscious mind that the unconscious can easily decide how to use and untangle for itself…especially when you decide to reread to find the most useful parts of it for yourself.

Can you imagine easily in the future what events or places you could use this sense in? How about playing out a scene now of a time in the future when and where you could deliberately use this new skill? How about tennis, football, martial arts, making a speech, meeting new people, driving, or anywhere else where deeper awareness and more personal time would allow you greater ability to perform and respond…can you place yourself now in a few situations…can you rehearse deliberately creating slow time now and making the reminders work easily and quickly for you?

When you learnt to drive a car, you had to practice the clutch and accelerator a few times to get the hang of it…yet it didn’t take long…and this is the same.

You can easily practice the skill in your mind now many times..and make it more real and natural each time you do it…

You will find that you have lots of time you spend in the very present moment…as you would make each moment longer and slower and longer and slower…more detailed…more depth…more real….and slower…there’s  more space….more time…more clarity….more vision…slow time…can become…very easily…more natural…any time…you choose…now …..to create…this sense…this new…awareness…that….you ….can … make….very …….easy …..now…

If you wish….time can be either stretched now….or you can practice in your mind future times when you need to be able to stretch time more and more detailed now….either way…you can acquire this skill….only as quickly as you really want or consider you need too…..you may notice that focussing so deeply on the now….has other interesting effects…..the person you are with may become the centre of your world for the time they need to be…or the external world IS the centre of your world for the time you wish it to be…and you can only notice as much of your internal feelings as you need to be completely aware of your intuition and sense of how you feel as you respond to the new information you are easily able to become aware of when slow time is present now for you….

Finally…as you choose whether or not to keep slow time now for yourself or go about your normal business whilst having deeper awareness of your senses and sense of time…I will leave you with a few reminders…that take you back into slow time more deeply each time you choose to slow time for yourself now and in the future…

See more deeply…..allows you to see everything in incredible depth and detail…the way an artist perhaps sees…or the way you might imagine becoming incredibly aware of every tiny detail in the centre of your vision…

See more widely….allows you to notice everything else not in the centre of your vision…the movements and sense of things around the detailed central vision of seeing more deeply…you can see movements of body language…note movements of other things…trees…grass….cars…other people…other things…whilst holding the sense of seeing more deeply and intensely…

Feel more deeply…allows the sense of feel to expand with the sense of seeing more deeply…like having a body that can reach out further and ripple around and expand outwards from you…a sense that can come from your stomach, head, hands and whole body…it can act almost like a sonar pulse a few times…until you become aware of everything around you in great depth ….

Hear more deeply…this may be the first thing you notice…as this allows you to find the space between ticks of a second hand on a clock that creep and creep more slowly…as you hear the silence between sounds..whether it is a clock, music or the changes and speed in tempo of a person’s voice…or the beat of an engine…this hearing more deeply allows you to detect finer and finer changes in any voice you wish….

Slow time….allows you to slow time down…speeding up your senses…yet paradoxically everything feels soooo much slower….and you realise you must have speeded up for everything to slow down so much now….this rolls together the ripples on a pond of your awareness…of seeing more deeply…of seeing more widely…of hearing more deeply….and of feeling more deeply…and becoming more and more aware of what you hadn’t been aware of before…of noticing patterns and flows of body language….tones…words and phrases….facial expressions and gestures that seem incredibly clear and new to you until you get used to this clarity and depth being normal as you practice slow time more and more and more….

Clenching a fist is one example of a reminder you can use…an anchor in the body you can use..however you may wish to choose any other unique gesture you wish..you can rewrite this text easily now to suit you in exactly which way you wish to remind yourself physically…a clenched fist can be clenched in any way and at any speed…for any amount of discretion as needed….

 

This is now the end of the slow time instructions…and you don’t’ have to consider remembering or not as you wish to reread this in any way you like to make it the most useful you can..it’s up to you….

A final word. Time distortion is discussed extensively in hypnotic literature and other forms of time distortion do exists…they are all ways of changing your perceptions..nothing mystical…and they are something fun and natural…next time you watch an engrossing movie or show, you’ll notice that time distortion works the other way too…the trick is to slow time precisely to something you want to experience for longer and longer…something pleasant…can you think of anything that would be soooo fun to make last in your mind for a very long time?

If you can’t….check your pulse 🙂

Enjoy.

Comments to my email please.

*Non U.S or U.K or naïve readers, B.S is BullShit. J.

One day, this will be perhaps my first attempt at public speaking. Maybe. If it is, I hope that the audience and I will co-create a total win/win situation, with all of us gaining something new.

Rapport has been written about extensively and in great depth. Much rubbish has been written and much gold too. I seek not to add yet more technique to this field, just to clarify the things I need to learn for myself the most.

To me, to really gain rapport with another person, is not to engage in “technique”. Voice matching, posture matching and all that, seemed to me to be backwards. These things surely I felt would be consequences of successful rapport rather than the producers. I’m sure some research somewhere proves me wrong on this one. Let me know if you have such research. Meanwhile I offer this, my own thoughts and opinion on the matter. Then, if you wish to, you can tell me what you think…and what you really think.

There was a lady I knew a few years ago, who was a practicing horse whisperer. She did have a horse called Jazz. One day she may read these pages and realise that through all the books and courses, her influence has given me the best picture of real rapport.

What is the key then? What is the secret that I’m referring too? Some readers are ahead of me already. These people are likely already top communicators, sales people and negotiators or perhaps therapists of one kind or another.

It’s easy and it’s harder than I thought possible. The key is to listen. Listen deep. To quieten the internal voices, images and feelings at the start and truly listen and experience the other person. To feel deeply of their experience, to hear deeply of their experience and to see them truly and deeply. This is the key.

Yet I would hear some say, what of our true selves? Would we not be risking our real selves, our real opinions and personality? What about the validity of our own reactions?

This is difficult for some, unless you understand that you cannot truly react to real person in front of you until you stop reacting to your interpretations of what you think they are saying and what their world is. How can you hear me if you can only hear your own thoughts and only a few of my words? How can you truly see me unless you are completely focussed on me rather than on the images in your mind that you have of me?

Your body, your intuition and your complete feelings will be the most accurate if you are totally engaged in the flow of the experience coming from the other first. This denies not your own person, instead affirming it. You realise that you are totally you, totally secure in knowing that you are who you are, and that you can make a clear choice as to whence and where your own influences come from.

To me, all life, all communication is in part a dance, a song if you will. Perhaps you may see it too as a play, a story or even a game. Regardless all these things require partners, readers, watchers, listeners…others. Other real people and also including your whole self. This is something new for many people and I am telling you what I truly need to deeply understand and learn for myself in great detail.

The best teachers can sometimes be the ones that need the lesson themself the most. Sometimes. Othertimes they can simply be annoying gits :-).

The lesson from the horse whisperer? Enter their world secure in the knowledge that you are completely you and can leave yours behind for a time. They become for the moment you are living in, the center of your universe. Enter their world, partake of it what you need to communicate clearly. This means accepting their world rather than judging it. Judgement is sometimes necessary, especially if you are a police officer interviewing a criminal. However this can be clearest made from a space where you have understood their world first, and have total knowledge of everything involved.

For a salesperson, this means joining in their world and realising whether or not you can actually be of genuine service to this person and guiding them to realise how. Such rapport cannot be faked, or false. Gerry Spence talks about bullshit detectors, and these come into play if such rapport is built upon false foundation. So real sales success is never going to be built upon bullshit.

Therapy of any form, can be seen as another more complex sale. How do you offer a new way of looking at the self if you cannot sell the idea to the client? Again, you’ll have to enter their world, and leave yours behind for a time. This doesn’t mean you can never return to yours. In fact you may have to return to yours to see what you may have to offer, and only in the complete understanding of their world. A tall order. I hear already, how can one have complete understanding of another. The only answer is to commit to understanding what can be understood fully in order to offer the client their own new path. Whether your therapy is permissive and completely hands off, or very directive and assertive, or just somewhere between, this understanding is deeply necessary in order to sell any effective help whatsoever.

My friend the horse whisperer told me a story once. She had to handle a rather difficult horse with a dangerous temperament. He attacked anyone who approached him.

Her approach was very different. She entered his field at the far end away from him. She sat down with her back to him. Picked a daisy, and sat looking at this daisy. Horses are nosy social animals, and this one was no exception. He came up behind her, nudging her shoulder wanting to know what she was looking at. However she slowly stood up, and moved away somewhere else, sat with her back to him again, still looking at her daisy.

This went on for about an hour or so. Eventually he became so docile that she was able to handle and lead him.

She entered his world, and allowed him to make his approaches instead of the other way around. He was in charge, yet wasn’t in charge of her exactly. He could ignore her, or meet her on her terms if he wanted to know what she was doing. Yet at no time did she push him into her world. He ended up wanting in for himself.

Food for thought ain’t it?

At this stage, there could be a question of my qualification could there not? Am I qualified as a salesperson? Do I have real world qualifications? Pieces of paper? Training? Experience as a therapist?

The truth? My qualification you can read for yourselves actually. You decide from what I write. I’m a learner. That is my qualification only. My only authority is my own heart and mind. The fact that I spend hours studying various materials is irrelevent in a way. Many will say you cannot learn the skills I talk about from books. This is likely true, so I write instead. I write to clarify my own thoughts, my own ideas and my own possibilities.

Over time I can only get better at the writing can I not?

Eventually the sales coach business will be a genuine going concern. I will know the best time, as will the few clients I choose to work with. True artistry won’t be a mass list of people I work for. It will be a synergy of the few that decide my partnership with them will be fruitful. The approaches themselves will be painted from a palette of many disciplines. Everything will be win/win all the way. I cannot be paid unless the people I work with gain a lot of extra profit from what we create together.

It will be fun.

I hope that some of this post will be of use. If not, well, suggestions tend to fit nicely into the comments box.

I spend a lot of time reading and listening to various books. Some are great, and well, some are bloody boring to be honest. However, with over 90gb of the world’s best and most popular material on self help, hypnotherapy, persuasion and sales material to hand, I owe it to my future clients to know this field inside out and upside down. What works, whats popular and what is rehashed bullshit. Future clients won’t have time for this, and why should they wade their way through it all anyway? They, and this means you, want results…the fastest, most effective way possible.

 This will be my job. Yes, the books are there for people to buy, and so are the seminars. What I will be offering however, is highly exclusive, highly individual and personalised service based on the broadest knowledge of the most cutting edge effective skillsets known to man. Thats my plan, and that’s what I plan to have you as an exclusive client come to me for.

However the company is not launched, yet. The skills have to very best I can offer and there is a LOT of special preperation to be done.

 For the moment, I’ve had a little time to think about body language myths that surround the world of self help and communication. The main myth to dispell is the idea of a universal “map” of body language that applies to most people.

The truth is, people are their own “map”, and just like a map of New York does me no good in London, niether does the map of one person help me work out another. Occasionally with very close couples, there’s a little crossover that helps of course. If, however you wish to actually understand the signals coming from another individual, your skills of listening will need to expand greatly to encompass  seeing the flows of movement. Movement in response to what you are saying, and what they are saying or appear to be experiencing.

Gestures occur in clusters, and keen observation is required to spot the patterns that make up this map. In some selling or interview situations, you may have control of the conversation sufficiently to direct the questions. These questions can be used to map out various responses if you are subtle and creative. Questions that are easy and truthful, and questions that are perhaps requiring more thought, can give you a “calibration” or series of marker points in their behaviour. These “markers” are still quite generalised guides however, and a fair degree of discernment is required to accurately determine anything of value.

These techniques are highly developed in skilled police interview specialists, that is if they are highly trained in the first place. Good cold readers may develop these skills to some extent.

Over time I will be setting up a site, with articles that go into more depth, to share with future clients on subjects like these. Body language and people reading in general would be greatly enhanced by a skill that is a pet subject of mine. This is time distortion, where you get an enhanced perception of time passing. Useful for all kinds of things, it has the great side effect of giving the other person that they are the center of your world for the duration of the conversation. This is because, they are of course. As rapport is a two way street, this can only be safely used in win/win scenarios that are 100% honest. Otherwise, you WILL give yourself away :-).

 Until the next article, you may perhaps enjoy the notion of noticing the flows that are so individual from person to person. You may also disagree and notice general patterns that seem to be quite common and appear to mean the same sorts of things too. Test and find out, sometimes you will be right. A good scientist has a hypothesis and tests it out to see if they are right. Sometimes a head resting on fist IS boredom or tiredness, other times its actually attention 🙂

Good day folks.

I was mulling over the post I threw together yesterday and asking myself, what would I offer to be different to any other trainers?

 One answer occurred to me. If my aim was to cause a total win/win for my clients and their employees, a win/win that positively impacted their whole business and lives, then that in itself would be an attraction.

Yet there is the good old fashioned sales pitch to consider. All this work, is a sale. All talking therapies are actually selling an idea, a way to change, a new view of the self and provoking the client to find a new way out. This is a hard sale is it not in many cases?

NLP, various brief therapies, hypnotherapy and other forms of intervention carry jargon and new labels with them. My new company would need to have one particular genius-can I use the best of various disciplines to help all clients, whilst using straightforward everyday terms?

To my mind, I need to have the skill and sensitivity to be able to sell my product to a 12 year old, to a mechanic, to an office worker, a doctor or a top executive.

So the seminar and training program needs to be alive for people, as does the individual coaching sessions. Alive with solid description that paints pictures, rings bells and gives people a complete solid grasp of applicable new concepts.

This may be more complex than my simply getting over a fear of public speaking or of creating a business out of inexperience. However, the company HAS to be unique and the best. Not just motivation, not just life coaching and/or NLP, but a solid concise commonsense program that creates a deep lasting impact for all concerned.

Right now, I’m at the beginning. I’m looking at the various skills needed and am a beginner. However, all journeys start with a step, and both writing my thoughts up and making the public speaking course happen are some beginning steps. I may well publish much of my creation online, freely available to all and sundry. What I will be selling is my ability to train people to use these skills in the real world.

Further book reviews will appear on the other blog shortly.

Apparently, putting things down on paper increases the chances that plans or commitment get to be put in motion and stuck to. Making commitments in public increases the odds again. Making a written public commitment is a double whammy. So I think its time to do some writing. I’m selling myself on the idea here-yet this may read as a sales pitch somewhat.

First a little bit of history, then the PITCH idea, then I ramble on about working with valueable staff members.

Remember, my brother says I think with my mouth*. He’s right. I do the same via a keyboard. A real sales page would be briefer and far far more professional :-). *Yeah, thanks for that Anthony-git, you are right.

I’ve been reading for the past two years many many books on NLP, brief therapy and other practical psychology books.

In the process I’ve had to throw away some crap, ignore some crap and identify common elements of anything effective. However, in all this reading and studying, there’s a big thing missing. The answer to the question of “why”.

I thought I was simply trying to understand myself, through the lens of various models of psychology.

I also thought I was trying to understand others, through the same lenses perhaps.

Actually, I was assembling a sort of toolkit. Something I could use, whereever I ended up. That assembly is far from complete however.

 My biggest weakness? Turning book + theory information into practical, free flowing and useful skills. Also I have the, “never knowing quite enough” trap as well.

The toolkit, as I view it, needs to include these:

– Memory,problem solving and  creativity skills
– Rapport skills,
– People reading,
– Influence and persuasion,
– Motivation and coaching skills, 
 -Selling and negotiation*,
– Speaking and writing skills.

This is a view of *my* practical toolkit, for my use, business and pleasure. Of course, selling and negotiation are partly built on the other skills listed. Some of these entries I wish they would teach at school however!

A good friend, if only rarely seen these days, has suggested I teach this stuff myself.

Immediately the excuses come: “I’ve never done selling” “I’ve not had any experience” “I’ve never done any presenting or teaching before” “I’m too damned scared” “I’m too beginner at this stuff (true-I believe” “There’s plenty more professionals out there”.

Then he asked the question-“How are you going to get out of the catch 22 then?”
Then I asked, as he owns a successful and fast growing company, “would you use me if I set this up then?” He said “Yes”.

I said, “I’ve got a head full of theory, and never applied this stuff.”
“You can still help folks with the theories” Was the reply.

It all boiled down to a few obstacles and I was scared. Damn right I was..well am actually. I’m 29, I’ve had a pretty patchy “career”. I left IT, and a pretty fine oppurtunity because I couldn’t stretch my comfort zone to match the role that was appearing there. My confidence in meeting new people isn’t a problem-on a casual basis. My confidence in the idea of ME being in business, well that’s a whole other issue.

However, yet I’ve started writing possible modules down. Things that, yes are available from other trainers and books, and things that should seem quite straightforward too. However, I would be selling me and my ability to use the material to help people, in business, sort out some fairly common issues.

Right now, I’ve some hazy notions of where this should go. Firstly I have to deal with a burning phobia :-). Stage fright. I’ve never presented successfully-instead I screwed up a sales interview at Listers by being unable to present my neighbour coherently to the group. So, the answer? I’m going on a course, for beginners, in the art of public speaking. Am I nervous? YES! I’m also looking forward to it.

Then what? One plan is to join Toastmasters and get practice. Another plan is to turn one of my hazy dreams into reality and actually build a modest 4-8 hour module that I can sell. In the process, perhaps I can turn all my learned theories into useful skills.

Here’s an outline of both a seminar, and how I could use my skills to work on a valuable but “problematic” staff member.

The acronym-PITCH

Perfect Rapport – Does mirroring and matching *really* work? Or would making your client the centre of your world for a short time naturally produce genuine “mirroring and matching”? How many people enjoy being TOTALLY listened too and made to feel as if they (to you) are the most important people right now?

Impact-Creating an impact. You’ve got rapport, can you give them an experience to remember? An experience of you, the company you represent and the products you are selling?

Thoughts and feelings-Self coaching and gaining control over your reactions and emotions. Using Rational Emotive Behavioural Techniques, you can learn how to dispute distorted thinking of all kinds and give yourself greater choice and flexibility in how you deal with difficult situations.

Creating relationships-People buy from people (thanks Garry). Building on rapport and impact, you can make a business friend first, and be sure to do business time after time as a result. Business having many meanings here.

Honing your feelings-Feelings *can* tell you a lot, and can be an ally. Building on the earlier work on thoughts and feelings, you can turn your feelings into useful allies, once you know what they are…and why they turn up at particular moments. All feelings are good, and they are information-from deeper parts of yourself as to what is happening. Sometimes it’s an instinctive reaction to false fear or other distortions, sometimes shifting feelings are genuinely telling you something to consider about the situation you are in. Questioning these quickly may help you turn the tide in a complex situation.

Of course, this is simply something I’ve put together on the back of a book, whilst anxiously deciding if and how to take action. I’ve never really taken much action, I could write a book on how to procrastinate like you wouldn’t believe. However, writing this now, and making it available to my good friend to read and others, will be something to help push me to actually develop this, take the training I need and give myself the skills to genuinely do this for people. I like win/win games. Kiyosaki appeals to me, he’s the right kind of greedy for me.

I do think that to be a “motivation” coach, I need to be firmly focussed on how to effectively bring about lasting change for each delegate who chooses to pay for my assistance. I won’t be looking to “hype” up a room of people, instead, I will be looking to give everyone in any room I teach effective ways to work with themselves and to work with their clients. In the process, they can easily learn to be as “hyped” up as they feel they wish to be :-).

A final part to this possibility however, is the tailered coaching work.

For example, company Z has one employee who goes “BANG” every time things don’t quite work out well. This employee, John I shall call him, then usually goes home early, comes back sometimes 2 days later and costs the company thousands in lost time. John on good days is worth many thousands of pounds. He’s their top sales executive or top problem solver. He earns them millions a year. Yet his tantrums are making life hard for his staff and causing problems with clients.

Company Z has some options. They fire him…and try hard to find a guy as good. Meanwhile, this new guy somehow has to estabilish relationships with John’s contacts, and Company Z find out that he’s not half as good.

They give him a good talking to. He backslides soon enough. He doesn’t know how to deal with his frustration or anger.

They offer him counselling. Out of pride, he refuses point blank to see a “shrink”.

They send him on a motivation seminar. It helps for a while, the peak and the enthusiasm is good for weeks.
However, for him, the seminar didn’t have all the tools he needed to learn to handle his frustration. He learnt great motivation skills, yet motivation wasnt’ the problem. The solution offered was the wrong tool for the job.

Finally, they hire a personal coach. This coach, namely me, tells them to organise for a handful of key staff members to be together for the coaching. He offers a full days’ course, covering the material mentioned earlier. He doesn’t poke and prod at any one staff member especially, instead trains them all equally. Sells them solidly on the PITCH techniques. Using good salesmanship and rapport, with each staff member, he is able (well I hope!) to identify individual frustrations without highlighting it to the group. Each staff member feels there is something they would like individual help with. The coach takes the group off individually, John perhaps in the middle, so that no-one appears targetted at all. Then, because John feels the coach is trustworthy, and is genuinely helping his colleagues, volunteers freely his problems at work to the coach. In all of this, the coach has avoided being a “shrink” or singling out someone with an “issue”.

Instead, casually and in the context of continuing the coaching they’ve all come for, he addresses the issues of frustration and rage. John relays the things that set him off. The coach, having various options to hand, may use a little NLP to demonstrate to John how to alter his feelings some. He doesn’t promise miracle “cures”, just elegantly demonstrates a few things John can try. He then adds a few rational techniques, where John can sense when the frustration is about to build.

John gets to listen to himself, and pay attention to the causes of the feelings. He can dispute them first. He can give himself some alternatives. He can take the time to decide if anger is at that point in a negotiation a useful tool or a dangerous weapon. He may use one of several techniques to gain the emotional space to control the situation. He is then taught a few more problem solving techniques appropriate to his work.
Perhaps for a bit of fun, if any memory or creativity issues are thrown up, a couple of these can be added-it depends of course on how the whole interview goes. The coach is constantly working out the whole time, what will work for John long term.

Of course, such an approach would mean a day for a seminar and a day for the individual staff sessions. A part of the cost would be the coach spending time in the company learning about the roles of the staff involved. This preliminary research would throw up various angles that the coach has to consider for the individual sessions.

The end cost to Company Z, on successful completion would be 2 days of the coach’s time, and just over a day of each member of staff’s time.

Laid out here, is literally, chucked onto paper, my first thoughts on the direction such a business could take should I personally take the right actions.

Should this work out, I still blame Andy :-).